A few year's ago, Mary J. Blidge gave me some advice. Only I wasn't aware of it at the time. She came out with a certain song, dripping wet with lyrics that dipped into the caverns of her heart and revealed a vulnerable side to her that the public had not yet seen. Her words, combined with an infectious baseline and accompanied, ironically, by a melody torn from an Elton John Song, rang through my ears every time I heard it play. Eventually, the song was remixed and transformed into a techno dance sensation that could be heard in every gay club that I encountered.

The song is "No More Drama." At first, it was just fun to dance to. Now, it has become my mantra.

Drama is something in the lesbian community that I just do not understand the need for. It is a tumultuous web spun by women who haven't yet sorted through their own personal issues before becoming involved in a relationship. As they enter into each new relationship they leave behind a trail of scorned exes that somehow manages to form into constant cycle of dysfunction. What is that about?

My first major encounter with this type of drama was after my first girlfriend and I broke up. She called me a few months later to try and hook me up with her current girlfriend's ex. Sure, I thought, then after we double date we can swap partners again and discuss the little intricacies of our relationships. Shockingly enough, I declined.

Since then I have seen drama unfold before my very eyes numerous times. Usually it involves cheating of some sort, an ex girlfriend, this girl wanting to beat up that girl, and the ever popular excuse, "well, I was drunk." Over the years, as I heard the stories and watched the arguments ensue, I took notes. I quickly learned what to stay away from, about tell signs that seemed subtle but spoke volumes about a woman's character, and about the kind of woman that I wasn't willing to invest my time in.

I think what really laid it out for me though, was watching a close friend of mine deal with drama first hand. I remember the night she just gave up and said, "I'm done with this drama." We went out to club just to dance and blow off some steam. Once Mary J's raspy voice shot through the speakers, my friend and I made a solid pact to avoid drama at all costs. If Mary could do it, so could we. It was inspiring and offered my friend a chance to wipe the slate clean. We both embarked on a quest for a "drama free" relationship.

Now, don't get me wrong, I know that every single woman out there has her own personal issues to deal with. I can admit that I have some baggage as well, but mine is more of a carry on, and the items within are easy to sort through now because I have actually taken a good look at myself. The problem is that some women don't think they have any issues at all. I've met women before who say, " I can't stand drama," and then walk away dragging an endless line of baggage close behind them. They refuse to look at themselves in the mirror and get involved in a relationship that they aren't mentally or emotionally ready for. It is because of this that the foggy cloud of drama rises up and takes over, shielding all logic and rational decisions.

I truly believe that you must be emotionally and mentally healthy before you can really commit yourself to anyone. Because once that is accomplished, and both women are balanced within themselves, there is no room for drama.

I have to confess that stumbling around drama has been somewhat beneficial for me though, because it has showed me the other side. I now know what I am looking for in a relationship and I have gained some clarity about the kind of woman I want to be with. I know that there are women out there who feel the same way as I do about drama. At least I know Mary J. feels the same way.

Too bad she isn't a lesbian.