I remember the first lesbian joke I had ever heard. What does a lesbian bring on the first date? A U-Haul. The story goes – you meet someone, you fall in love (or lust) and the next thing you know, you’re living with your significant other, own two cats and have a “couples only” game night. Personally, I think the lesbian community itself keeps U-Haul in business. Before you start packing up the truck, maybe it’s time to stop, take a moment, and think things through. Yes, even when you are in love.

Let me set the scene. You meet someone out one night – say at a club while busting your groove on the dance floor or while sipping on the latest coffee combo at a snug little coffee shop. You chat for a bit and then exchange a couple of f lirtatious glances and slight nudges. She gives you her number, you give her yours. Maybe a week later (you’ve talked every night since) you’ve got those tingles in your fingertips every time you think about her and those butterflies swarming around in your stomach. She’s become the hot topic of conversation with all of your friends. Ah, you think… it might even be love. Suddenly your level head turns to mush, all rational decisions go out the window and you take the next “logical” step to further your relationship … you move in together.

Sound familiar?

This is the pattern that so many lesbian relationships adhere to for some odd reason and it has even become the norm. I’ve observed this pattern time and time again. It gets exploited in lesbian stories, television shows, and movies – so much so that you’d think we would have learned from it. But yet, the U-Haul still gets packed up. When two women come together, there’s often an overwhelming connection.

I think because women are more emotional than men we look to have our needs met right away. When women feel nurtured and safe, we often don’t want to ever let that feeling go and it seems that we will feel that way forever. I call this period the “honeymoon” period because everything is hazy, wonderful and perfect.

The first woman I ever dated wanted me to “run away” with her to North Hampton, MA – a Gay Mecca of sorts, even before I told my parents that I was gay. I was like, “Um, let’s slow this down a bit.” We only dated for four months. I thought that step might be just a little too fast. In fact, I wouldn’t consider moving in with someone until at least a year has gone by. For a lot of lesbian couples, the relationship advances so quickly that by the time they are together for a year, they’re already engaged and sharing household chores. But they also start to realize some issues they have in their relationship that they just didn’t see because the “honeymoon” period was in full effect. The relationship then becomes complicated once the honeymoon fizzles out because those very issues come to a head.

I realize that falling in love can be a truly wonderful and mind boggling thing. I’ve been there myself, maybe too many times. But I also know that lesbian relationships are based upon the same things that heterosexual relationships are. If you notice, the most successful couples out there – gay or straight – have let their relationships evolve on their own. When things aren’t rushed, then you have a better chance of spotting an issue early on before it becomes a bigger problem down the road. You get to know one another on a deeper level and the connection becomes rooted, almost like a tree, which makes the relationship strong and solid. Then, when it comes time to load up the U-Haul, you can feel confident about the decision you’re making because it’s based on logic and not just on love.

I met someone a couple of months ago. Things have developed slowly between us and it has been the best thing as far as our relationship is concerned. I have the butterflies, the tingles, and all of that other mess. Though I don’t see a U-Haul anywhere in the near future, I think about her a lot and I find myself wanting to spend more and more time with her. So what’s the “logical” next step to further this relationship? Take it one day at a time. —- Lyndsey D'Archangelo