Ex’s are a funny thing. No, I’m not talking about the kind you crisscross with O’s at the end of a love letter or mark up a chalk board with in order to execute the perfect play. I’m talking about the kind that lingers in your life even after they are gone, either physically or emotionally, and impact every newfound relationship you embark on. The kind that used to be the center of your world, the kind that you either try to forget, can’t forget or forget to call on special occasions for whatever reason. I’m talking about the ex-lover, ex-partner, ex-whatever-you-want-to-call-it or simply, the ex.

I’ve had a few in my life. Some I recall quite fondly, like my high school sweetheart who was such a sweet and caring guy. Then there was my first girlfriend who helped me take those baby steps out of the closet (though she later turned out to be somewhat obsessive). There are those who I cringe at the mere thought of, and think why did I date this person for so long? And other noteworthy flings who served as either some form of distraction or exploration atcertain stages of my life.

While I’ve kept in touch with a couple of my ex’s over the years, I’ve never really had a solid friendship with any of them until recently. My former girlfriend, who probably should have just been my friend all along, is currently my closest friend. She knows me better than any other friend of mine, has helped me through some tough situations and knows how to make me laugh. All of these things are the kinds of qualities that I look for in a friend. Yet, because of the fact that we dated some situations that would normally be simple become complicated. There have also been some tough issues that have presented themselves between my current girlfriend and I as a direct result of my friendship with my ex. Even though the fact that we dated is more of an afterthought than anything else, there are instances in which we just cannot get around it.

Ex’s are unavoidable because as each new relationship blooms, there will always be a discarded ex lurking in the weeds. I know that I’m not the only one dealing with difficulty when it comes to this type of situation. My girlfriend is still trying to find a balance with her ex as far as their friendship is concerned and, of course, figuring out how I fit into all of that. Another friend of mind is going through such a horrible break up that I doubt she’ll even want to extend a bridge of friendship to her ex. To complicate things even further, I recently introduced my ex to one of my girlfriend’s friends. And it just so happens that they share the same ex. Got that? It’s an ever-continuing web of lesbian links, not unlike Alice’s chart on the "L-Word," and it just keeps growing and getting more intricate as time goes on.

I don’t see my ex fading out of my life anytime soon and I am doing my best to ease the situation for all parties involved. It isn’t always easy and at times it’s more work than anything else, but in the end I think it’s worth it. I get to keep all of the good stuff, the stuff that made me like this person in the first place, the shared jokes and the things in common.

Can we ever truly form a symbiotic relationship between an ex, a new partner and ourselves? I don’t know. I’m not an expert or anything. I think that if the situation can be a positive one, then yes it is possible. But this kind of friendship will only work if you are able to let the negative stuff go. Sometimes it isn’t a healthy to remain friends for either person. It’s then that you pack the memories worth saving up in a little shoebox, slide it in the back of the closet and continue on with your life. You don’t have any intention of looking back. But you will look back and it doesn’t matter if it’s with love, regret, sadness or relief. You will always remember your ex, shoebox or not. It’s just a fact.

And that’s the ex-factor.