I was not at the hearing yesterday - frankly, I thought it would be just that, a "hearing", to give Andy the opportunity, maybe to some extent require him to address the concerns which had come up since the Civil rights Commission unanimously supported his appointment. When I did finally see my e-mail, I saw that, even before the hearing, people were using words like bigot, hate, homophobe....and folks were being asked to come, not to hear anything, but to come armed with anti-Garcia t-shirts, etc. I am sure there were people there to hear accounts, explanations, charges, etc. - all the things I would want to hear before I decided to go after anyone, but especially a man who has been a friend and supporter of mine and the GLBT community for many, many years - including being a proponent of anti-discrimination legislation that included trangendered people. But the media is unlikely to focus on those people.

These are the facts as I understand them, and the assumptions and rumors that grew from them:

FACT: A gay man working with Andy Garcia filed a complaint with the NYS Division of Human Rights.

ASSUMPTION: Folks assumed that if a gay man files a human rights complaint, it has something to do with being gay.

FACT: The complaint was resolved in some way, and the parties to it agreed to keep it confidential.

ASSUMPTION: People automatically assumed that the only party benefiting from a confidentiality agreement would be the accused, who use it to "shut up" the complainant and avoid public embarrassment.

THE TRUTH IS: I have worked with victims of discrimination. It is usually very painful and the process of filing and having the complaint investigated can feel very intrusive. It is not at all uncommon for a complainant to want to put the whole experience behind them in a final or confidential way. We really don't know what terms or conditions were contained in an agreement entered into by all parties.

FACT: Two people testified at the hearing that, in private conversations with Andy, he used language that offended them or made them uncomfortable.

ASSUMPTION: That insulting or offensive language, whether the result of ignorance or hate or insensitivity or anger, always equals homophobia.

THE TRUTH IS: One of my sons, while still in after-school care, wanted to start a petition drive to get a counselor fired because he used the word "queer" in a derogatory manner. He wasn't fired, but he did get an education. One of my sons had a boss who used the word "gay" to describe things that had nothing to do with homosexuality, but was stupid, etc. My son told his boss that the word and the way he used it was offensive to him. For the most part, the offensive language stopped, although as happens when someone is trying to change a habit, he slipped a couple of times - but would at least apologize. Last year I was out with a friend, and she described a straight man as seeming a little "faggy." I told her the word was offensive to me, that her language shocked and hurt me, and I told her why. She was appalled by her own insensitivity, and I can guarantee she has never used the word again.

I would be surprised if any one of us hasn't had similar experiences. Sometimes, it's just not important or worth challenging. Other times, it is - especially when it's someone you already know and have a relationship with and would like to continue, especially when this person has seemed supportive and not the kind of person who would want to cause this kind of offense.

I mean no disrespect to the folks who talked about Andy using language, in private conversation that was offensive to them. I happen to believe that while I can choose to be an activist, I am not personally responsible for anyone's education. On the other hand, if my child can make a complaint about a "big boy" high-school age counselor at his after-school program, and if my child can tell a boss that the language he was using was offensive - I really don't know why the concerns weren't addressed at the time they came up, or at least not for the first time at a public hearing.

Maybe insensitivity like this is enough to deny some one a job - even someone who has spent a decades as a community activist for civil rights and our community - I don't know, I am not making the decision - but if I were - I think I would have to weigh the work he has done in the equation. I do know that if he had offended me at any time (and I have no recollection of him ever doing that) I would have told him so then.

So, yes, the whole thing makes me heartsick - that a friend of mine and his family have had to go through this - and that I know most of the people involved in this on both sides and I know them to be good people - and also because I think this makes it harder to ask elected officials and community leaders to stand up with us, when it seems relatively easy to start a firestorm of protest against someone. •Barbra Kavanaugh

P.S. As for the "sexual predator" accusation, I am simply stunned - I have never, ever, ever heard anything like this about Andy Garcia - and I have to believe that in the 10+ years I have been in politics and working with a lot of different activists in different communities - some of whom supported Andy and some who did not, for any number of reasons - I would have heard something, even just whispers or statements of suspicion. I have never heard anything like this. Again, I really do respect most of the people involved here and I was not at the hearing - but that sounded to me awfully McCarthy-like ("I have in my briefcase names of members of the Communist Party", etc.)

Barbra Kavanaugh is a local Attorney and former member of the City of Buffalo Common Council. In 1995, Kavanaugh was the first open gay or lesbian person elected to public office in Western New York State.